Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I believe in your delicious
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
