she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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