so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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