is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
