So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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