Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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