There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
