I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
