HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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