This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize