i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
