you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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