Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
