false alarm. still invincible.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
