I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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