i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
