My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
zippers are such a cool invention
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
