My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize