Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
