By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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