Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wish they made helmets for livers.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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