i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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