he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
