I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you traded sex for a burrito?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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