No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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