just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.â€
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