i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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