I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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