When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
