Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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