I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
