i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
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