I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
