...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize