I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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