trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
