I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
