so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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