blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just gargled with NyQuil
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
