nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
