I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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