I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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