new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
did i just pee glitter
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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