i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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