I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
