i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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