he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize