I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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