Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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