can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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