Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She's JV to your varsity
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
