at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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