did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
