y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Someone signed my nipple.
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