I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
