I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
