oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
