If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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