One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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