they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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