thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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