This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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