Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
