Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
