i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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