when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
