just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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