I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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