I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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