i don't like sucking hair
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
