genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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