I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
