Got a toothbrush?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
